Friendship, like any relationship, is essential to life and mental health. But what to do if disaster strikes in that friendship? Give up or try to weld the relationship?
It is easier and more interesting to choose another path than to fight. Because collisions are hard, and easy to avoid. But the fear of being alone also works. But if there is toxicity in friendship, it should be avoided.
"It really is a tug-of-war, like life and death," wrote American science writer Lydia Denworth in her book Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond.
He further mentioned, “It is not possible to be alone. Connecting with others is in our DNA. Friendship is not a luxury. Rather, this relationship is necessary for a meaningful and prosperous life.”
If a relationship with a friend is lost, or contact is lost - there are many ways to restore it. And it can be thought of as taking care of yourself.
1. Recording good points:
"Before having a difficult conversation with a friend, think about the things that make you happy," advises American author Adam Smiley Pozowski in his book Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.
“Then write them down in the notebook. And mention them when talking to a friend" - wrote this popular US-based 'influencer' in the book.
"When trying to repair a relationship, the conversation is much more meaningful if you start with positivity and gratitude," he suggested in a report published on CNN.com.
Whatever the outcome, the dawn of positive intent will remain.
"Even if the relationship remains strained, or if the friendship is off or completely out of touch, this positivity and compassion for each other will continue," Pozowski said.
2. Adopt different methods of communication:
If communication is not possible with technology, other methods can be adopted.
"People still get excited when they get a handwritten letter," Pozovsky said. Or postcards or books can be sent." A letter written in depth will make this form of communication more meaningful.
Before speaking, the letter should state why you feel bad about this lack of communication and want to repair any relationship. Expressing this intention will help build empathy and make talking easier.
"You might find out that a friend is thinking about something else that you might not know about," Pozovsky says. It's important to prepare yourself to listen carefully before sitting down."
3. Give time and try again:
Different people deal with conflict differently. So allow enough breathing time between one attempt and the next.
Washington-based psychologist and friendship expert Maria Franco said in the same report, “Friendships can take time to recover from conflict. and need to pay attention to uncomfortable feelings."
"If discomfort still works, understand that not everyone is ready to express their feelings," Franco said.
Express your feelings honestly and firmly. In this case, it can be said, 'I feel very bad after our quarrel. I want to value friendship. Let's talk and reconcile.'
"Also remember, you can only do as much as you can," Franco said. If the friend doesn't respond, at least you can be proud of yourself for not trying too hard. Remember no one can control anyone. But at least you made an honest effort on your part."
4. "Furniture of friendship" changes:
In a long friendship, we are supposed to be the same. But the reality is that our priorities and circumstances change.
If rekindling a friendship reveals that the relationship isn't what it used to be, Denworth suggests, "take a more casual or 'casual' approach with the friend."
"I call this approach a shift in the furniture of social life," says Denworth
In his words, “Friendship does not last forever. And that's normal.
Evolutionary biologists have found that good bonds require three things—permanent, positive, and cooperative. And friendship requires these three elements."
5. Warning signs to watch out for:
Sometimes misunderstanding leads to conflict in friendship. Sometimes the problem is deeper.
"Don't ruin a friendship over just one thing," advises Franco. Instead, the emergence of conflict means re-evaluating the relationship and opening the way for improvement. And it has to be done by both parties."
But he also stresses the importance of looking for danger signs.
In his words, “If the bad seems to outweigh the good—for example, if a friend criticizes your success, talks bad, misleads you, or if his behavior frustrates or upsets you—walk away. The relationship will come to a beneficial conclusion.”
6. It is important to weigh the pros and cons:
"The science of friendship shows that oscillating or conflicting views are not good for health," says Denworth. In other words, the good has no weight where the bad outweighs the good."
So you should refrain from tormenting yourself by thinking that you had good times in the past. Taking care of health is important.
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